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Pin-Light Moments and How I Stopped Feeling Like a Fraud (My Story Part 1)

The first pin-light moment came when I was at my kitchen table in 2009 – fist fulls of hair, tears of frustration and pain streaming down my face. I was telling God that I didn’t know how to do it – I don’t know how to live this life. I don’t know how to be a good enough Christian, friend, daughter, wife, mother, house keeper, sister – you name it, I didn’t know how to do it. I was miserably failing at all the things I tried to do, all the characters I tried to be. Because none of it felt natural to me. I always felt like a fraud, displaced, disconnected from what was around me – Alone. And the relationships I did have, even the ones I had cultivated the best I knew how over the years, kept falling flat and leaving me empty, including my relationship with God. I begged God to tell me how to live like I knew I should. And what He said to me completely changed the trajectory of my life.

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Emotions Never lie. That’s a load of bull hockey.

We are conditioned to not trust ourselves. We are told - your emotions lie to you, your heart is deceitful, push past those feelings, don’t be so sensitive, what you feel is not reality. My heart rate went up when I typed that last one… what overt gaslighting and absolute bull hockey thing to tell someone - that what they feel is not reality. How on earth are we supposed to trust ourselves when we are told we are out of touch with reality? That we are supposed to accept that there is a separate reality that exists, made of logic and reason that we are not a part of because we have strong feelings? It’s categorically damaging. It is utterly untrue.